Head Official
Live from Lizzie Koo Lodge
The first Games of their name
August 7–9, 2026All official competition · Saturday, August 8
08 official events01 athlete per nation80 possible points
Every athlete is a sovereign nationParticipation in every event is voluntaryRandom Spikeball alliances confirmedGold · Silver · Bronze awarded Saturday night
Transmission 001Official communiqué
One person.
One country.
No geopolitical limits.
Why Koolympics?
For one weekend, every guest becomes the complete population of a made-up nation—its athlete, cultural attaché, propaganda office and final hope for the podium.
Enter as much or as little as you like. Athletic ability alone cannot win these Games: taste, precision, balance, pageantry and an unreasonable commitment to national lore all count.
Saturday programme
Eight events enter the record.
Tap an event for its working field brief. Exact times and open officials will follow.
01Opening CeremoniesNational presentationJudge · Malory
Enter as the sole representative of your invented nation. Malory judges the full presentation: identity, costume, lore, talent and commitment to the bit.
Official championship event · Participation optional02DiplympicsThe dip competitionJudge · Alan
Bring the diplomatic delicacy your nation is proudest to export. Alan presides over the tasting table and ranks the field.
Official championship event · Participation optional03Athletics Double500 m + grip strengthTimers + strength marshal
A fast, objective test of speed and strength. Separate Fastest and Strongest titles will be awarded in the men’s and women’s divisions.
Official championship event · Participation optional04SpikeballRandom diplomatic pairsReferee · to be announced
Partners are drawn at random. Temporary alliances are encouraged; international incidents are expected. Both partners earn the same finishing points.
Official championship event · Participation optional05Bocce BallClosest nation winsMeasure official · to be announced
An individual precision trial on the lawn. Results are measured, witnessed and entered into the official record.
Official championship event · Participation optional06Swimming RaceThe lake recordTimer + water-safety lead
A short, clearly marked swim with an opt-in start list. The final course runs only with the dedicated water-safety lead in position.
Official championship event · Participation optional07BalancingThe two-minute vigilBalance marshal · to be announced
Two attempts on one leg. Your best valid time counts, up to two minutes. Maximum-time ties advance to a hands-on-head final.
Official championship event · Participation optional08Pin the Tail on the BonkeyThe ceremonial closerJudge · Vanessa
Blindfolded diplomacy at its most exacting. Vanessa measures each tail’s distance from the official target.
Official championship event · Participation optionalThe medal table
Points now.
Medals at night.
Each event uses its natural raw result—time, distance, match finish or judging score—to rank the field. Jennie converts that ranking into the same championship points every time.
Highest total wins gold. Then silver. Then bronze. Maximum possible score: 80.
1st10pts
2nd8pts
3rd6pts
4th5pts
5th4pts
6th3pts
7th2pts
Valid finish1pts
Village signal
Your broadcast team.
Official Commentator
Malory
Opening Ceremonies judgeOfficial Commentator
Alan
Diplympics judgeThe weekend
Three days at the Koo.
- Arrivals, nation building and opening-night diplomacy.
- Opening Ceremonies, all eight official events and the medal presentation.
- Recovery, records, coffee and departures.
Bring your delegation
Prepare for glorious recognition.
- National costume, flag, anthem or propaganda
- One unique national talent—if desired
- A dip, if entering Diplympics
- Running shoes, swimsuit, water shoes and towel
- Any approved accessibility equipment you use
13 nations confirmed.Nation registration is complete. Pack the costume; keep the lore alive.
Off-field culture
Soundtrack & village goods.
The institutions that existed before the Games remain proudly operational.
KOO FM · Official village radio
The Infinite Playlist
Add your entrance music, victory-lap anthem or diplomatic slow jam to the communal broadcast.
Open the shared playlistOfficial outfitter
Shop the Koo.
Custom merch and cottage goods for athletes, delegates, officials and people who simply enjoy a strong hat.
Enter the Etsy shopField coordinates
Find the Olympic Village.
Lizzie Koo Lodge
6 Cobble Lane · Dunsford, Ontario
Previous transmissions
From the Koo archives.
Every summer leaves a field report. The archive preserves the themes, schedules and cultural artifacts of previous gatherings.